Bachelor Power Rankings

I've now arrived at the age where I like to hang with my mom. There were times, age 14-16 primarily, where all I wanted to do was go to my room, listen to Tha Carter 2 and Get Low, and text every girl under the sun.
Don't get me wrong, I still like to do all those things, normally all at the same time, but Ive come to appreciate the woman who has given me everything. So, when she says " want to hang out" I'm all for it. We watch Millonare Matchmaker, Shark Tank, Housewives sometimes, and of course The Bachelor.

This season has given us a subpar batch of girls IMO. There are maybe 2-3 girls that would make you lose train of thought if they walked by. These type of girls are the same that you don't even approach when your out. Simply no reason to get your feelings hurt. These are rare, but when you see them, its better to vividly  remember those warlocks then remember the pain and suffering of rejections. And yes, these are the girls that you follow on Instagram to get a follow back, don't get a follow back, and unfollow them because every time you see them upload a picture you are just confused how they can be so hot. Happens to us all.

So without further ado, the current Power Rankings for this season of the Bachelor.

WOAT- DANIELLE, 25
Ive been watching this show since the first episode. Juan Pablo literally doesn't even know she's part of the pool of girls. I don't even see her on group dates. Is she the maid? She's only been a decoy, like they are setting something up for play action.  She makes an appearance every Rose ceremony, where he says "Dawnielle", and your like.... wut.

5. ANDI, 26
Heres what I like about Andi: She's a lawyer. Heres what I don't like about Andi: She's a lawyer. I could put a bowl of Fruit Loops on the counter, pour some milk in it, eat the Fruit Loops, drink the milk, clean the bowl, and have a more intelligent conversation with the spoon then I could with Juan Pablo. Andi is a dime don't get me wrong, but she needs to marry an intellectual, and Juan Pablo aint that.

4. Claire, 32
Juan Pablo last week said he's not going to kiss any girls one night because he doesn't want his daughter to see it. So many things i can say about this.... 1) Bruh literally been making out with girls for the past 4 weeks. We gonna start her on Season 9 episode 5? 2) Your daughter is 4 years old, she shouldn't be watching anything but Little Bear and Franklin. 3) He was mean as all get out to Lauren S., a personal favorite of mine, when she asked for a kiss. He said " noooo, I don't want to do that, I love mi daughter verrrry much and don't want her to see Papi kissing all these ladies."4) Five minutes later, goes HAM on Claire's lips. Claire is taking this like Survivor, going all out to win, and by God, I think she just might.

3. Sharleen, 25

Opera singer. Great voice. Love everything about her, except this.

What the hell is that?

Celebrity look alike: Mulan

2. Nikki, 26

She has so much potential. Pediatric Nurse, Juan Pablo has a kid. Tall blonde bombshell. Bubbly. Got it all. But she's also a crazy person. Juan Pablo hints to her that there's something going on in the house. She looked like she was going to shit a chicken when he said that. She was so overwhelmed in the cut away interview, I bet she didn't sleep the rest of the weekend. But JP over here likes her a lot, and I'd say she basically a lock to meet his daughter.

Actual quote from last weeks episode, "Im just like, so annoyed".

1. Kat, 29

All girls have this trait. Its simply an amazing thing. If a girl is over the top attractive, I mean just a work of art, girls attack like they are hostages and the kidnapper just turned his back. Kate Upton is a perfect example. " Um, she's not even skinny"... " Guys only like her because of her boobs" etc etc. They will point out anything on a pretty girl to make them less pretty. 

Side note: here is a very basic, easy to understand fact. There are 4 things sacred to a man. Sports and Boobs. See what I did there. Insulting a girl for having great boobs would be like me saying , " omg like Lebron James isn't even that good. he's just tall".

Kat is an example of this. When prodded to dance with a bunch of oriental Dance Dance Revolution players, or K Pop or whatever, she took over the show. She would have made it to Hollywood if this was an audition. Kat has it all for me. First off, the name. Kat is just about the sexiest name out there. 2nd the looks. I mean, Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee!

And those two things are just about all I care about. 

This concludes the power rankings for Juan Pobs. Tune in next week, where the remaining 14 girls all make out with this Conquistador wannabe, probably in some crazy place like Laos or Bolivia, all on his way to find true love.

This is the America we live in.